Let’s get one thing straight right out of the gate: Regardless of the title of thisarticle, as a female in my mid-20s, I do not want to be referred to as a “girl.” Girlswear training bras, don’t pay their own cell phone bills and steal alcohol from theirparents. I am not a girl and I don’t want to be treated like one under any circumstance,especially when it comes to the complicated realm of flirting. You can call us girls amongyourselves all you want, but please think of us as women.Now that we’ve taken care of that detail, let’s move on to the fundamentalsof picking usup.
Seriously, Make The First Move
In a world where women expect men to be lacking in the masculinity department, making thefirst move is a huge turn-on. In the last few years there have been two successful bookspublished about the declining “masculinity” in the modern-day man. Both Manning Up:How the Rise of Women Has Turned Men into Boys by Kay Hymowitz and The Making ofModern Immaturity by Gary Cross theorize that in the postindustrial economy typicallyfeminized traits have been favored in business and education, keeping women on top assuccessors to what used to be considered male-dominated fields. Hymowitz claims that thischange has left men stranded in a place of “pre-adulthood” where they never butterfly intomasculine men. Most women expect that if they want something done, they have to do itthemselves. Sometimes it’s a pleasant surprise to have this reversed. In fact, go aheadand do whatever you can to prove the researchers wrong.
RELATEDVIDEO: How To Make The First Move
Know Your Audience
That being said, there is a time and a place for everything, including making the firstmove. I remember a few years back I was working as a brunch server at a small restaurantin my neighborhood. One morning, a guy I knew and his current girlfriend came in forbrunch. As I served them their pancakes and bacon, the guy decided this was the time toproposition a threesome between myself, him and his girlfriend. At brunch. While I wasworking a busy brunch shift. At 11 a.m. At a bogus serving job. Know your audience, dudes.This may be a big fat “duh” to most of you, but some just don’t listen to that “duh” intheir head even if it’s batting hard between the ears. If we’re serving you coffee duringrush hour, chances are we don’t want you to drop some pickupline. Know where you are and what is appropriate.
Do Your Research
Before you go to a job interview, one would think you would do a bit of research on theposition at hand before you head to the gig, right? Right. Now, I’m not saying that tryingto pick up a woman is like a job interview (as Jerry Seinfeld once noted), but I am sayingthat you can’t just dive in head first without doing your research. That is just commonsense. Whether your pick up gig is aimed at a casual hook-up or something a bit moreserious, it is well worth it to take the time to do your research. If you are in a bar orclub and see a woman you are interested in, take some time to study her. Do not gawk orstare like a total creep, but glance over casually and take in what you can. Watch how she interacts with her friends and what kind of vibe she is giving off to theroom with her body language. Is she completely engaged with her group or are her eyeswandering around the room for another possible interaction? Does she seem excited orirritated? Does she seem coherent or two sheets to the wind? Taking the time to figure outwhere she’s at in her night will factor into the way you can approach her, if youshould approach her at all — and it may even predict your success rate. A woman who islaughing insanely with her pals, deep in conversation, is probably not interested intalking with you right now. Wait. On the other hand, a woman who is scoping the room mightbe looking for interaction. If she catches your eye… Ace in the hole. When she goes tothe bar for another drink, maybe you might need to top up, too.
Real Talk
The last thing anyone wants (gay, straight, male, or female) is someone feeding thembogus lines. I know that TheGame taught you how to use “peacocking” and “negging” to have women fall for you,but what women really want is for you to be real. Be yourself. I know, I know. I soundlike your mother, but this advice is golden. If you put on a huge front, she’s going tosee through it. Bring up topics you are familiar with, see if she’s into it. Ask herquestions about herself. Engage. These are basic rules of conversation, but sometimes weforgot about them when “flirting” gets involved.
The Marc Jacobs Rule
Above all these rules is the golden rule of fashion that also applies well to trying to pickup a woman. Designer Marc Jacobs once said, “A cool bag on a dumb girl is a dumb bag, anda dumb bag on a cool girl is a cool bag.”Break it down and what the genius offabric is trying to say is that it doesn’t depend so much on the outside as it does onwhat projects from within. In the world of dating, it comes down to smell. Some peoplejust smell right, feel right, even from the get-go. You can learn all the rules of thegame, but if you lack confidence in yourself and the woman you’re after doesn’tbelieve in what confidence you do have, it’s not going to last past a few rounds. A coolbag only gets you so far. So you can memorize all the lines you want, learn all theso-called rules and even master all the expert advice out there, but if the shoe doesn’tfit, it’s going to fly off to find the cool bag it fits with. Get me?
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[Source: Dating & Sex on AskMen]
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